Have you ever felt like everything was falling apart? (it actually may not have been but it sure feels that way). This has been my life for the last few days...er...weeks. We've had a rough go of things over the last 6 weeks; the month of poo, the plague'o'flu, teething and then what we now refer to as the "unfortunate incident with the bookcase" (Liam got his first stitches on Friday as a result). I've been feeling like I'm coming unglued; like I'm not myself, extra moody...over tired, exhausted really and crying...oh the crying. I have to admit this is worrisome, I'm not sure if this is a symptom of something or a cause, or both. Please don't misunderstand me...I am not complaining...I'm simply acknowledging that something just isn't right and I'm not feeling okay about it. I love my life...I love being a mom (more than anything in this world) and I never knew I could love my son as much as I do, but things are tough right now.
Sleep deprivation and exhaustion are funny things, and I fear that they are the culprits (maybe...maybe not) behind the extreme emotional roller coaster. I used to have a great relationship with sleep...we got along fantastic, but since Liam was born I have been neglecting it and in retaliation it had unleashed exhaustion on my ass and we do not get along at all. Sure, sure I expected to not sleep the first few months while Liam was a newborn, I was running on adrenaline and learning as I went. This is not sustainable for an 8 month period...this could make any sane person feel like they are losing it. I would like to become re-acquainted with sleep, nurture our relationship again and kick the shit out of exhaustion!
So....in order to do something about it, Liam and I ran away to Kelowna this week. We are changing our surroundings and routine to see if we can maybe get mommy back to quasi-normal again. Really I'm hoping that a change in scenery and the mountain/lake air and hanging with some family will do us some good (even after a few days....and a sleep filled night...feeling a little better already). I feel no shame in checking out of our "normal" Calgary life for a few days...sometimes being a mom is hard and we need to do something for ourselves. A woman I work with told me this a few months after she had her son, "Being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had." Amen!!
(Please comment, leave tips/suggestions, wise words, advice. It's nice to know that we're not alone and that we are indeed amazing moms!)
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I hear ya! About a month ago I actually screamed at the top of my lungs because I was so strung out (not at Evan, but went into another room and just screamed). Like you say, I'm so in awe of how much I love this little guy, but he can certainly test me! Add in exhaustion, and it just seems worse.
ReplyDeleteI hope the change of scenery helps! After the rough 6+ weeks you've had, it's understandable you'd feel this way! I'm sure most of it is due to all that was going on, but definitely keep an eye on your emotions and moods. I know a few women who did develop PPD nearly a year after their child was born.
I find talking to other moms in a real way about what's going on helps a ton. There are also a ton of great mommy blogs out there who tell it like it is, which is always refreshing!
yep, i hear ya Moj!!! Pretty sure I've let exhaustion move into my house and run a muck in my life for 75% of the past 5 years!!!! I'm glad you're getting a break, just remember when you get home... you don't have to be supermom to be a super mom! Sometimes the best thing we can do for our kids is take care of ourselves. Of course I'm probably the pot calling the kettle black, not taking time for myself very often. However I am getting very good at ignoring the ever growing pile of laundry and the bathroom cleaning in favour of me time :)
ReplyDeleteAayway, don't forget that some good ole fashioned girl talk is an excellent remedy to the mommy-stress-blues. but, if you feel like it's something more (ie PPD) don't be ashamed to talk your GP about resources that are out there.
Thanks guys. I have been thinking about PPD and am going to keep an eye on it. We've had a couple of good sleeps out here so that has definitely helped. :)
ReplyDeleteI totally understand! Being a mom is super hard and my 9 month old still doesn't sleep through the night. It just gets harder being so sleep deprived! Hope your time away helped.
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