parting is such sweet sorrow

Last week was Liam's first couple mornings at the day home, yesterday being the third.  Day 1, no tears and had a blast playing with the puppy and the "big" kids.  I on the other hand cried my way to the car and then all the way to the gym ... and cried a little more there too.  Day 2, no crying when I left but Liam cried once he realized I wasn't there anymore.  Day 3, Liam was way more interested in the puppy and he cried only a little when I left.  The only thing that doesn't make me burst into tears everyday when I leave him (yup all three times) is knowing the reaction that awaits when I pick him up for lunch.  "MA MA MA!!" With out stretched arms trying to grab onto me and never let go. Oh yeah and I guess I'm also not crying because I know he is in good hands, that's really important too right?

Alas, in two weeks my year of maternity leave is over and I'm heading back to work full time.  I'm not sure how I totally feel about this yet either.  Truth be told ... there is a small part of me that is looking forward to getting back to a career that I love (yes I do love my job and going to it everyday most days).  BUT ... and this is a big BUT.  I don't want to leave my son.  I want to be the one to hang out and play, walk around the house in circles all day, make a mess with yogurt and cheesy noodles, think that a night light is the most interesting thing ever, and nap.  Now someone else will be doing that with him.  Not me.  People tell me that it gets easier and that it is always harder on mom then on baby.  We'll see.  I'm pretty sure that every morning that I drop him off I will be a little sad.  And every afternoon when I pick him up it will be swept aside by happiness and hugs.