realities of two

my life is full of good intentions lately.  i have plans every weekend to sit down and write a beautiful amazing post about how our daughter is growing up or the funny things that liam has been saying.  then life walks in and screws that all up.  the kids have total meltdowns complete with class-one diaper blowouts.  screaming and throwing of toys because one doesn't get to play with something immediately.  dinners are refused because "i don't like it" (even though he ate the same thing two weeks ago and love it)  and mountains of laundry appear and for some reason the more i fold the more laundry appears.  i don't get that one.  ahhh the lovely realities of parenthood.  i sometimes fantasize that there are magical laundry elves and one day they will come and do my laundry.  complete with folding, ironing and putting away of.

and while we're at it.  where are those timeout elves and diaper changing elves too?  don't get me wrong.  98% of the time i love life, my family and my children, and yes, sometime i don't even mind the laundry.  but let's get real.  parenting two children, making sure i spend time with my partner in crime and working full time can really take a toll on a lady.  i sometime feel like i'm in a constant battle with life.  that i'm running a race through an obstacle course to get to a place called "balance" does such as place even exist when you have a one year old and a three year old?  or is it just complete and total chaos until .... when?  or maybe balance is something that we try to achieve only because it keeps us going in the race purely to keep us going.  the reality of this proverbial race of raising two happy loving children is that it is daunting and exhausting.  and somewhere in between exhaustion, spilt milk, tantrums, timeouts, husband dates and report card deadlines is this thing called balance.

we'll just say that for now we're working on it.

life {lately} according to iphone ~ v.4

it's cold and snowy here.  sixteen centimetres of the white stuff and more to follow.  mother nature seriously has a hate on for north america.  nothin' like a photo dump and an eggnog latte to warm ya up.  oh and it's friday too.  

hoping everyone out east is staying safe and warm.

back to life, back to reality and a post script

And so it is.  I'm back at work.  I haven't really ever discussed my non-mommy job here (not that being a mom isn't the coolest best job ever, but the unfortunate reality is I need to have a non-mommy job).  So my "real" world non-mommy job is being a teacher.  And today was the first day for all the teachers to go back into schools and prep for the entry of students on Thursday.  Last night was full of my tears, anxiety, stress, excitement ... and just about every other emotion possible (in the span of an hour).  Let's just say I woke up this morning feeling exhausted with some very puffy eyes.  I'm really torn right now.  I'm wrestling with the idea of having a life outside of my family and a career that I love ... with the fact that someone else is essentially (for lack of a better thing) raising my son for us.  This is not to say that I don't want to raise my son.  I would gladly give up my job and stay home with him, play with him all day, nap with him, throw food with him ... but sadly no one is going to pay me to do it and we have bills.  Just like everyone else.

So with the emotional roller coaster over and all of that emotion gone (there's still a teeny tiny bit of guilt left) I walked into my classroom this morning and I actually enjoyed being there.  I remembered why I love doing what I do.  I remembered why I went into this profession and then that teeny tiny bit of guilt started to move in.  I'm not sure how this new chapter in our lives is going to play out.  I totally miss Liam ... I was secretly looking at pictures of him on my phone all morning during meetings.  But I also know that: A. the socialization at the day home will be good for him  B. he is in excellent care  C. he is always super duper happy to see me when I pick him up (lets me know he still loves me)  D. I'm not a bad mom for having to go to work and finally E. everything will be okay and this is just a chapter in the adventure of our life.  Because ...  it will. be. okay.

PS

I also just want to say to all of my awesome readers ... please bare with me.  I'm not sure what the blog is going to look like or how much I'll be posting as I settle into our new routine.   

PPS

... but going back to work opens up a whole bunch of new clothing possibilities.  Perhaps now is my opportunity to start including a little fashion here.  ; )